Traditional (dumb) dating, and what’s wrong with it. (7 things)

1. Dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily to commitment
A close association or detailed knowledge of a person without commitment is dangerous! Intimacy outside of marriage is ultimately defrauding to that person’s future spouse. God is outside of time, he sees every marriage in place that will ever happen.

2. Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship
It’s much healthier to develop a deep friendship among friends than in a dating setting. Dating is often superficial and both putting best foot forward. If friendship isn’t the main focus you are in for trouble… it’s a breeding ground for lust, and also when married the good feelings and fuzziness fade…

3. Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love
The physical in a dating relationship adds so much confusion. You think things are much more serious than they are. A physical relationship does NOT equal love. If anything, error on holiness.

4. Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships
Becoming attached to the other person often causes you to lose perspective of you own identity. You cannot let your identity be found in the opposite person. If you’re not to the marriage point focus on being friends, and lay it down. Trust is important in a relationship, but exclusiveness makes you totally wrapped up in each other outside of marriage. It promotes jealousy and mistrust. How do you deal with jealous feelings? Get along with the Lord and express it. If the other is not trustworthy you have to take that into account…. But jealousy is not real love.

5. Dating often distracts you from doing what God wants for you right now
You cannot forsake what God has for you because of the other person. Often you might be called to lay something down for the sake of following Christ’s leading. But it’s got to be Him (more relevant actually in marriage). If you are not sure about God’s leading about something, let go of it. If He establishes it in your life, fabulous, if not He has something better for you. Walk through life with your arms wide open to Him. Eph 5:15-17

6. Dating can cause discontentment with God’s gift of singleness
Dating is very distracting. You just want to get on with the next step. Bash in singleness! When married, there is another person to always consider. You can’t take off unless it works for the other as well. Redeem the time that you have; enjoy now and listen to Jesus. Your time truly is an issue of stewardship.

7. Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person’s character
Being cute/fun on a date says nothing about being a good husband/wife.
‘Nuff said. Prov. 31:30

A better approach to… whatever you want to call it (6 things)
(deliberate dating with a purpose {D wap})

1. Get your eyes on Jesus
If you love someone more than anything… you will be selfish, bitter and disillusioned.
If you love Jesus more than anything, you’ll enjoy others and will be someone worth marrying.
The triangle concept; the closer you get to God, the closer you get to each other. You can’t pursue a human, as a believer as a separate thing. It’s a pursuit of God and where He takes you become obvious

2. Make every relationship an opportunity to model Jesus Christ’s love
Col 3:12-17
Live it out. Jesus love is for everyone; sincere, honest, brotherly love.
The point of any relationship should be to point them to Christ.

3. Recognize that your unmarried years are a gift from God
Gen. 24:1-33 Rebekah wasn’t out on the look for a man. She was going about her business, but obviously serving the Lord.
We need to redeem the time we have, take advantage of it to do things on your heart that you may not have the opportunity to do when married. Many people are actually married longer in their life than they’re single. Don’t rush it!

4. Acknowledge that intimacy is the reward of commitment.
It doesn’t need to be a part of a relationship before commitment. If you aren’t ready to marry someone, why do you want to put yourself in a place of so possible compromise!? Sexual intimacy awakes desire in you that isn’t created to be restrained. God did not design us to go there even in measure before we are married. It clouds your mind so much! God set up great things for marriage intimacy; it’s not at all about struggling through merely coping (see Song of Solomon). Full intimacy we won’t experience until heaven… but marriage is a picture of it. It’s totally a lie to think you need to have some sort of intimate experience before you get married. “You’ll never regret purity”

5. Stop “playing marriage”
True commitment to somebody really comes when you say vows, get married. In a dating relationship, if you aren’t ready to commit to marriage you cannot stake claims to the other. Don’t expect things from them that have not yet come. Making those demands of each other before the time only breeds grounds for jealousy and greed.

6. Practically avoid situations that could compromise the purity of your mind and body.
Purity is so much more than remaining a virgin. It’s wise to set standards, but
your heart purity is truly the issue. Don’t be a legalist over it, that won’t grow you spiritually before the Lord.
Matt. 6:33- It’s not about seeking the out the things we want but seeking God and recognizing what He brings.



Content in the Lord, unless He brings marriage.

1. Seek God’s Word: does this person match up with what Biblical standards you are seeking?
2. Award of responsibilities – are you ready for marriage? (don’t date for recreation)
3. Approval/support of parents, pastors and godly friends. (they may have a clearer view)
4. Obey God above all. Do you have peace? The peace of God will rule (umpire) your heart.


God will not force the next step DTR (defining the relationship). You can’t be afraid of the future when God is moving your forward, you have to address it, and you need clear purpose.